Attachment theory proposes that early childhood experiences with caregivers shape individuals' expectations of the availability and responsiveness of others in close relationships. These experiences create internal working models of attachment that influence individuals' emotional regulation, social cognition, and behavior in close relationships throughout the lifespan.
Based on modern attachment theory, there are four main adult attachment styles: secure, anxious-preoccupied, dismissive-avoidant, and fearful-avoidant. These styles are determined by the level of attachment anxiety and attachment avoidance that an individual experiences in close relationships.
Attachment anxiety refers to the degree to which an individual is concerned about the availability and responsiveness of their attachment figures. High levels of attachment anxiety are associated with a fear of abandonment, a desire for intimacy and closeness, and a tendency to become overly dependent on others.
Attachment avoidance, on the other hand, refers to the degree to which an individual avoids intimacy and closeness in relationships. High levels of attachment avoidance are associated with a fear of dependence, a preference for self-reliance, and a tendency to minimize the importance of close relationships.
Let's now look at each of the four attachment styles in more detail:
Secure Attachment Style: Securely attached individuals have low levels of attachment anxiety and attachment avoidance. They are comfortable with intimacy and seek out close relationships with others. They trust their partners to be available and responsive to their needs, and they feel secure in expressing their emotions and receiving emotional support from their partners. They have positive models of themselves and others, which helps them to develop healthy relationships.
Anxious-Preoccupied Attachment Style: Individuals with an anxious-preoccupied attachment style have high levels of attachment anxiety and low levels of attachment avoidance. They are preoccupied with their relationships and worry about their partners' availability and responsiveness. They crave intimacy and closeness, but they fear rejection and abandonment. They tend to be emotionally expressive and seek reassurance from their partners, but this can also create tension in their relationships.
Dismissive-Avoidant Attachment Style: Dismissive-avoidant individuals have low levels of attachment anxiety and high levels of attachment avoidance. They tend to avoid intimacy and closeness in relationships and prefer self-reliance. They often dismiss the importance of close relationships and have a positive view of themselves, but a negative view of others. They tend to be emotionally distant and are uncomfortable with emotional expression.
Fearful-Avoidant Attachment Style: Individuals with a fearful-avoidant attachment style have high levels of attachment anxiety and high levels of attachment avoidance. They have conflicted models of themselves and others, which leads to a fear of both intimacy and abandonment. They desire closeness and fear rejection, but they also fear dependence and avoid intimacy. They tend to have negative models of themselves and others, which can create tension and conflict in their relationships.
In summary, the four adult attachment styles are determined by the level of attachment anxiety and attachment avoidance that an individual experiences in close relationships. Securely attached individuals have low levels of both, while anxiously preoccupied individuals have high levels of attachment anxiety and low levels of attachment avoidance, dismissive-avoidant individuals have low levels of attachment anxiety and high levels of attachment avoidance, and fearful-avoidant individuals have high levels of both attachment anxiety and attachment avoidance. Understanding these attachment styles can help individuals to develop healthy relationships and improve their emotional well-being.
Useful websites
There are several websites that offer free tests to determine your adult attachment style. Here are a couple of options:
Experiences in Close Relationships-Revised (ECR-R) Questionnaire. The ECR-R is a self-report questionnaire that assesses an individual's attachment style in close relationships. It measures attachment anxiety (fear of rejection and abandonment) and attachment avoidance (discomfort with closeness and dependence on others). The test is commonly used in psychological research to categorize individuals into different attachment styles, such as secure, anxious, avoidant, or fearful-avoidant. You can take the ECR-R questionnaire here.
The Adult Attachment Styles Test: This is a 45-question test that measures four attachment styles: secure, anxious-preoccupied, dismissive-avoidant, and fearful-avoidant. You can find the test for free on the IDRlabs website here.
The Relationship Attachment Style Test (RAST): This test is designed to assess attachment style in romantic relationships. It measures both attachment anxiety and attachment avoidance. You can find the RAST test for free on the Psychology Today website here.
It's important to keep in mind that no online quiz or test can provide a definitive diagnosis of your attachment style. However, these tests can be a useful starting point for self-reflection and exploration. If you have concerns about your attachment style or how it may be impacting your relationships, it may be helpful to speak with a mental health professional for further assessment and support.
Helpful relationship strategies
Here are some important psychological/behavioural strategies that a person with each attachment style can use if they are in a relationship with each of the other three attachment styles (again, this should not be taken as professional advice):
Secure Attachment Style: If a person with a secure attachment style is in a relationship with…
...an anxiously preoccupied partner, they can use the following strategies:
Be emotionally supportive and reassuring to their partner. Listen attentively to their concerns and validate their feelings.
Communicate clearly and directly with their partner about their own needs and feelings. This can help to build trust and intimacy in the relationship.
...a dismissive-avoidant partner, they can use the following strategies:
Respect their partner's need for space and independence. Avoid pressuring them to be more emotionally expressive or to spend more time together than they are comfortable with.
Be patient and understanding with their partner's emotional distance. Avoid taking their partner's lack of emotional expression as a personal rejection.
...a fearful-avoidant partner, they can use the following strategies:
Be patient and understanding with their partner's ambivalence towards intimacy. Validate their partner's concerns and fears while also communicating their own needs for closeness and intimacy.
Encourage their partner to seek professional help if their attachment style is causing them significant distress or impacting the relationship.
Anxious-Preoccupied Attachment Style: If a person with an anxious-preoccupied attachment style is in a relationship with
...a secure partner, they can use the following strategies:
Express their emotions and needs clearly and directly. This can help their partner to understand their emotional needs and respond with sensitivity.
Work on developing self-soothing techniques to manage their anxiety and avoid becoming overly dependent on their partner.
...a dismissive-avoidant partner, they can use the following strategies:
Be patient and understanding with their partner's emotional distance. Avoid taking their partner's lack of emotional expression as a personal rejection.
Work on developing self-soothing techniques to manage their anxiety and avoid becoming overly dependent on their partner.
...a fearful-avoidant partner, they can use the following strategies:
Encourage their partner to be more emotionally expressive and to share their feelings. This can help to build trust and intimacy in the relationship.
Avoid becoming too dependent on their partner for emotional support. Work on developing self-soothing techniques to manage their anxiety and maintain emotional independence.
Dismissive-Avoidant Attachment Style: If a person with a dismissive-avoidant attachment style is in a relationship with...
...a secure partner, they can use the following strategies:
Be open and honest about their emotions and feelings. This can help to build trust and intimacy in the relationship.
Work on developing empathy and emotional awareness to better understand their partner's emotional needs.
...an anxiously preoccupied partner, they can use the following strategies:
Respect their partner's need for emotional expression and support. Listen attentively to their concerns and validate their feelings.
Work on developing empathy and emotional awareness to better understand their partner's emotional needs.
...a fearful-avoidant partner, they can use the following strategies:
Be patient and understanding with their partner's ambivalence towards intimacy. Avoid pressuring them to be more emotionally expressive or to spend more time together than they are comfortable with.
Work on developing empathy and emotional awareness to better understand their partner's emotional needs.
Fearful-Avoidant Attachment Style: If a person with a fearful-avoidant attachment style is in a relationship with…
...a secure partner, they can use the following strategies:
Communicate their fears and concerns about intimacy and trust in a clear and direct manner. This can help their partner to understand their needs and work together to build a more secure relationship.
Seek professional help to address any past trauma or attachment issues that may be contributing to their fearful-avoidant attachment style.
...an anxiously preoccupied partner, they can use the following strategies:
Be patient and understanding with their partner's emotional expression and need for support. Work together to build a more secure and trusting relationship.
Seek professional help to address any past trauma or attachment issues that may be contributing to their fearful-avoidant attachment style.
...a dismissive-avoidant partner, they can use the following strategies:
Work on developing empathy and emotional awareness to better understand their partner's emotional needs.
Seek professional help to address any past trauma or attachment issues that may be contributing to their fearful-avoidant attachment style.
Overall, it's important for individuals to recognize and understand their own attachment style and how it may impact their relationships with others. By developing psychological and behavioral strategies to manage their attachment style, individuals can work towards building more secure and satisfying relationships with their partners. Additionally, seeking professional help from a therapist or counselor can be beneficial for addressing underlying issues related to attachment and building healthier relationship patterns.
